I think it's because whenever the thought comes to me, I'm on my phone and for some reason I always screw up and post a half-finished post and it makes me feel like a damn idiot.
I'm very sad.
The tragedy at Sandy Hook elementary school in the States really shook me to my core.
I've always been extra vulnerable to things that happen close and far away in the world because instead of having a healthy and natural separation between myself and the rest of the world, it's always seemed more like I have layers of white tissue paper and the rest of the world is red.
The events that happen are water, some are drops, some are storms and that effects how much of it ends up bleeding into me.
Yet another factor, another piece of this intricate puzzle that is my shattered psyche or soul - sometimes I'm not sure which it is. Perhaps both and the pieces have gotten mixed up and that's why things are so hard to separate because they've been intermingled for so long, in a damp basement.
Some of the pieces are stuck together and will peel if you try to separate them.
Of course it's a mess.
What else would you expect?
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Monday 17 December 2012
Friday 23 November 2012
Starting in some groups next week!!!!!
OK so I've been really down and struggling but I was referred into an out-patient program. i am starting off slowly with 3 weekly groups:
There are also a couple of relaxation based "drop-in" groups - one is called a Leisure Activity group and the other is simply called "relaxation group."
- Getting Started In Recovery - this group consists of 4 modules focused on goal setting, procrastination, challenging negative thinking & positive coping strategies
- Distress Tolerance - the focus of this group is on the identification of emotions and the impact they have on an individual's physical, mental, emotional & behavioural state. Grounding techniques, crisis tolerance, mindfulness and self-exploration are some of the strategies that will be explored in the group to help clients manage their feelings in healthier ways. Setting time aside, outside of the group, to practice the skills learned, is an expected component of the group (*Note - I missed the first one as it started last week and I was accepted this week but I am OK starting this coming week rather than waiting another 7 weeks)
- Bipolar Management Group - this group consists of 4 modules focused on Triggers & Warnings signs - What is Bipolar Disorder?; Causes, types Signs & symptoms of Mania, Hypomania & Depression; Treatment; Lifestyle issues, Coping Strategies, Relapse prevention & Recovery
There are also a couple of relaxation based "drop-in" groups - one is called a Leisure Activity group and the other is simply called "relaxation group."
Sunday 4 November 2012
*sigh*
I don't want to write because I feel trapped in this horrible cycle that I cannot escape.
That's it.
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That's it.
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Wednesday 24 October 2012
Confession
Been bad with taking my meds...
Been either sleeping too much or not enough
Been moody, mostly sad
But I'm still here
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Been either sleeping too much or not enough
Been moody, mostly sad
But I'm still here
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Tuesday 16 October 2012
Politics
Some quick thoughts...
In America - I am pro-Obama!!!
Here in Canada, I tend to vote NDP (though I like some of the Green Party ideas)
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In America - I am pro-Obama!!!
Here in Canada, I tend to vote NDP (though I like some of the Green Party ideas)
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Tuesday 9 October 2012
Getting some things done
Well yesterday was Thanksgiving so we were out most of the day.
Today I got my plate sticker renewed, went to the bank, ran an errand with a friend and took my son to Walmart.
I think that is the most I've done in one day since August.
Took most of the weekend to just be low key. No phone calls. No stressers. Just me, MOH and our girl.
The older two weren't home so it really was quiet.
We needed it
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Today I got my plate sticker renewed, went to the bank, ran an errand with a friend and took my son to Walmart.
I think that is the most I've done in one day since August.
Took most of the weekend to just be low key. No phone calls. No stressers. Just me, MOH and our girl.
The older two weren't home so it really was quiet.
We needed it
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Friday 5 October 2012
Bullying never seems to change
My son is having a rough week.
He is in the only English class for his grade (the rest are french immersion) so he's had most of the same classmates since senior kindergarten.
This means being stuck with the same bullies as well as the same friends (barring moves).
Well some of his sometimes friends (according to him) took things further than not playing with him or trying to get him in trouble.
This week they called him "Spaz" and said he was "stalking" them because they take the same path home (one of them lives in the same complex we do)
He said a few of the kids call him "Spaz" - I told him it wasn't right that the kids were calling him names.
And it made me remember when kids would tease me. I was teased from K - 12. Lots of names, for what ppl claimed were lots of legitimate reasons. And "spaz attack" was one of the insults hurled at me.
So I can relate.
Today he came home a little late and said he'd been cornered by two of the boys.
One tried to hit my son with his scooter and then tried to punch him.
Hit his backpack instead. Nonetheless, my son came home, shaken and crying.
He doesn't want me to talk to anyone at the school, he doesn't want us to pick him up or meet him after school.
What does a parent do?
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He is in the only English class for his grade (the rest are french immersion) so he's had most of the same classmates since senior kindergarten.
This means being stuck with the same bullies as well as the same friends (barring moves).
Well some of his sometimes friends (according to him) took things further than not playing with him or trying to get him in trouble.
This week they called him "Spaz" and said he was "stalking" them because they take the same path home (one of them lives in the same complex we do)
He said a few of the kids call him "Spaz" - I told him it wasn't right that the kids were calling him names.
And it made me remember when kids would tease me. I was teased from K - 12. Lots of names, for what ppl claimed were lots of legitimate reasons. And "spaz attack" was one of the insults hurled at me.
So I can relate.
Today he came home a little late and said he'd been cornered by two of the boys.
One tried to hit my son with his scooter and then tried to punch him.
Hit his backpack instead. Nonetheless, my son came home, shaken and crying.
He doesn't want me to talk to anyone at the school, he doesn't want us to pick him up or meet him after school.
What does a parent do?
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Tuesday 2 October 2012
I'm so tired of feeling this way
I'm still here.
Tears running down my cheeks.
Silently.
I feel so fucking tired. Yet I am sleeping way more the past while than I should.
Why is it always the extremes? Way too little sleep to way too much??
I keep thinking about respite but I worry about how things would go without me around here.
I keep going back and forth on whether or not I should be talking to somebody about those thoughts in my head...
I mean it's suicidal ideation. It's not making plans and I'm not walking around outside alone so I'm not at risk for the impulse control.
But then I come across blogs or tweets or links or whatever where other people think this stuff is more serious or give it more credence than I do.
Perhaps because I can remember dealing with this in high school and even in grade school.
So many years later and I'm still here.
I just don't know what I should be doing.
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Tears running down my cheeks.
Silently.
I feel so fucking tired. Yet I am sleeping way more the past while than I should.
Why is it always the extremes? Way too little sleep to way too much??
I keep thinking about respite but I worry about how things would go without me around here.
I keep going back and forth on whether or not I should be talking to somebody about those thoughts in my head...
I mean it's suicidal ideation. It's not making plans and I'm not walking around outside alone so I'm not at risk for the impulse control.
But then I come across blogs or tweets or links or whatever where other people think this stuff is more serious or give it more credence than I do.
Perhaps because I can remember dealing with this in high school and even in grade school.
So many years later and I'm still here.
I just don't know what I should be doing.
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Monday 1 October 2012
Stayed in Saturday night
Which probably worked out well as a friend called in very rough mental shape.
So I was on the phone for some time talking my friend through their mental crisis and determining whether or not they needed to go to the hospital for their own safety.
It turned out fine in the end.
I'm glad I was here to help as my friend's other half wasn't a good support person.
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So I was on the phone for some time talking my friend through their mental crisis and determining whether or not they needed to go to the hospital for their own safety.
It turned out fine in the end.
I'm glad I was here to help as my friend's other half wasn't a good support person.
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Saturday 29 September 2012
My kid totally called me on something today
So I had no choice but to leave the house today because the one thing I make sure of is that my kids aren't missing out.
MOH's back is too messed up to be at son's event today so here I am.
Well I was talking to one of my friends and son was listening in and this wise child said, "why do you say negative things about yourself all the time? You always tell us to think positive and to say and believe good things about ourselves but you don't do it about yourself. "
My answer, "no one told me not to do that when I was a kid."
My son's reply, "but you always say good things about us and everybody else so it should be easy to do it about yourself."
Me, "you're right... It should."
That's all I've got for now and I've been informed that yesterday's was cut off so I'll have to remember to fix that later when I'm on a computer and not a phone.
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MOH's back is too messed up to be at son's event today so here I am.
Well I was talking to one of my friends and son was listening in and this wise child said, "why do you say negative things about yourself all the time? You always tell us to think positive and to say and believe good things about ourselves but you don't do it about yourself. "
My answer, "no one told me not to do that when I was a kid."
My son's reply, "but you always say good things about us and everybody else so it should be easy to do it about yourself."
Me, "you're right... It should."
That's all I've got for now and I've been informed that yesterday's was cut off so I'll have to remember to fix that later when I'm on a computer and not a phone.
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Friday 28 September 2012
Watching "Touched by an Angel" never makes me feel better
Now don't get me wrong... I always liked watching the show when it originally aired, sometimes it moved me, sometimes it didn't.
Mostly I liked when Andrew (RIP John Dye) was in the episode because he was a good-looking "every man" kind of guy.
I used to watch the show with my Mom... She liked when Randy Travis or someone else she liked would turn up as a guest star.
Going farther back, I can tell you that my parents and I used to watch "Highway to Heaven" together and earlier than that it was "Little House on the Prairie."
We liked those shows and their feel good messages and their
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Mostly I liked when Andrew (RIP John Dye) was in the episode because he was a good-looking "every man" kind of guy.
I used to watch the show with my Mom... She liked when Randy Travis or someone else she liked would turn up as a guest star.
Going farther back, I can tell you that my parents and I used to watch "Highway to Heaven" together and earlier than that it was "Little House on the Prairie."
We liked those shows and their feel good messages and their
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Wednesday 26 September 2012
Feeling lousy
I have no energy and am constantly tired. I am napping during the day, often going to bed before midnight and if MOH leaves me alone, I am sleeping until 10 or 11 a.m.
What the hell is going on here???
I did manage to go out the other day and touch base with one of our other friends who has been having a rough time lately.
Though when I got home, I was pretty much ready for bed.
Same thing on Sunday when I made it out to the historical society for some research... I was asleep about 15 minutes after I got home.
I haven't been online much lately. Instead I've been reading a lot of titillating vampire-based books that used to have real plots but now are basically the authors masturbatory fantasies in print... which is why I stopped reading her, because if I want erotica - I'll go read it, but I was bored so since they didn't cost me anything, I thought "what the hell."
My headspace is odd in that I am really quite horny but it's all mental because I don't have the energy to take the iniative to start anything but if MOH can rev me up, then we're good to go.
So reading helps satisfy the urges that I am too tired to act upon.
I don't know what else to write.
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What the hell is going on here???
I did manage to go out the other day and touch base with one of our other friends who has been having a rough time lately.
Though when I got home, I was pretty much ready for bed.
Same thing on Sunday when I made it out to the historical society for some research... I was asleep about 15 minutes after I got home.
I haven't been online much lately. Instead I've been reading a lot of titillating vampire-based books that used to have real plots but now are basically the authors masturbatory fantasies in print... which is why I stopped reading her, because if I want erotica - I'll go read it, but I was bored so since they didn't cost me anything, I thought "what the hell."
My headspace is odd in that I am really quite horny but it's all mental because I don't have the energy to take the iniative to start anything but if MOH can rev me up, then we're good to go.
So reading helps satisfy the urges that I am too tired to act upon.
I don't know what else to write.
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Thursday 20 September 2012
Quiet time
MOH and sick girl are curled up in bed.
I think I am going to curl up on the couch with some leftover Chinese food for breakfast, a morning Pepsi for my caffenine fix, take my pills and watch a movie.
No phone, no internet, just quiet.
Wish me luck!
I think I am going to curl up on the couch with some leftover Chinese food for breakfast, a morning Pepsi for my caffenine fix, take my pills and watch a movie.
No phone, no internet, just quiet.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday 19 September 2012
Guess the universe didn't like the respite idea
I've been feeling pretty bad. I haven't gone out and socialized since the last time I posted here about it.
I shaved my legs for the first time in awhile the other day.
And I haven't been having baths. It's like when I feel bad I feel the need to punish myself because I am allowing myself to feel bad or something.
So I have showers, which I don't enjoy as much, instead.
I've spent a lot of time hiding out in the house watching movies. And now the wee girl seems to have the chicken pox.
So MOH and I had been talking about me going to respite for a few days because of how emotionally exhausted I've been feeling but with a sick toddler that's out of the question now.
I just tried to snap a pic of her back but I don't know if it worked. Gotta lay down w her and try to get her to nap now anyway...
Later all.
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Monday 17 September 2012
Huh???
Ruh-roh...
Wtf just happened?
Only people who know me in real life will know this but if they took notes on all the things I could cover during a half hour conversation, the notes would be surprisingly verbose.
That being said, Dr. Calm has minimal notes on our previous sessions, as I learned when he showed me the few sentences he wrote down from each to prove his point of view on things we had and had not discussed.
I don't feel like getting into all the details but, bottom line, he got a good look at how I view things and think about things after the fact.
I got a good look at him behaving like a confused human. And a completely domineering ass.
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Wtf just happened?
Only people who know me in real life will know this but if they took notes on all the things I could cover during a half hour conversation, the notes would be surprisingly verbose.
That being said, Dr. Calm has minimal notes on our previous sessions, as I learned when he showed me the few sentences he wrote down from each to prove his point of view on things we had and had not discussed.
I don't feel like getting into all the details but, bottom line, he got a good look at how I view things and think about things after the fact.
I got a good look at him behaving like a confused human. And a completely domineering ass.
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Friday 14 September 2012
How does boredom factor in to stupid or harmful impulses?
I'd really like to know...
I am aware how boredom can negatively impact weight loss or healthy eating regimes but I think it can have a similar impact on mental health.
Being bored or sad or lonely or just ALONE can give us that time to dwell on things we shouldn't.
And it's the worst time to suddenly find yourself aligning with "the now."
I don't know about the rest of you but much of my life is spent far away from "the now."
You see I think a lot of us bounce between dwelling on the things we can't change from the past and all our fears about the future.
While if we try and ground ourselves in the moment, to be present in the here and now, we fear (or at least I do) that everything will catch up to us at once and we will be overwhelmed once and for all.
Beaten and battered from all sides without surcease.
It's hard enough to breathe now, I can't afford to let anything else pile on.
It's all too much and there's no way for me to find peace and refuge from any of it.
I can only hide as much as I can until my mood shifts a bit again.
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I am aware how boredom can negatively impact weight loss or healthy eating regimes but I think it can have a similar impact on mental health.
Being bored or sad or lonely or just ALONE can give us that time to dwell on things we shouldn't.
And it's the worst time to suddenly find yourself aligning with "the now."
I don't know about the rest of you but much of my life is spent far away from "the now."
You see I think a lot of us bounce between dwelling on the things we can't change from the past and all our fears about the future.
While if we try and ground ourselves in the moment, to be present in the here and now, we fear (or at least I do) that everything will catch up to us at once and we will be overwhelmed once and for all.
Beaten and battered from all sides without surcease.
It's hard enough to breathe now, I can't afford to let anything else pile on.
It's all too much and there's no way for me to find peace and refuge from any of it.
I can only hide as much as I can until my mood shifts a bit again.
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Wednesday 12 September 2012
Defeated by the dread machines - attempt #2
The pictures are of the machines I couldn't adjust and/or use properly (arrgh!)
The machine I could use the highest amount of weight on for my reps was the calf press I think.
I also went to group and shared my current self-disgust and increased feelings of body hate.
I swear I am just all over the place. It's like I have a cacophony of issues and sometimes one thing manages to get louder than the rest to attract more of my attention
Similar to how my extremes in the area of anxiety and panic masked so much of my depression and anger.
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Sunday 9 September 2012
A bit of fangirl SQUEEness
So I created a Twitter account to go with this blog and I had made a post the other day and I noticed that Alison Arngrim (actress, author & activist) re-tweeted it.
And I thought it was so damn cool that I had to screen capture it and post it to my blog.
And I thought it was so damn cool that I had to screen capture it and post it to my blog.
Saturday 8 September 2012
Thundercat & Doctor Who art
I normally don't spend on things like this but I had been hanging on to a small bit of cash specifically for this for myself so MOH went down there and I am going to post the images.
I *adore* the Thundercats one and I like the Doctor Who one but I am worried that if one was just to look at the Doctor's face that you might not be able to tell which Doctor it is and the TARDIS is missing its light on the top.
What do you think? Am I over-thinking the piece like MOH says?
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Friday 7 September 2012
Pirate booty
I had my measurements done at the gym last night.
Here comes my ultimate embarrassment.
Chest 44 (though that's wearing 2 sports bras to try to contain them)
Waist 44 (are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!)
Hips 55 and 1/2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Left thigh 33
Right thigh 31
BMI 41.4
% of body fat 49.4
Muscle weight 125.8
Fat weight 123
So I need a pirate to steal some of my booty.
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Wednesday 5 September 2012
What makes a penis like a walrus tusk?
I decided I'd do the test this morning. And, had it been positive - we'd have been racking our brains trying to figure out how to prepare because it would've meant we would have been having a surprise.
Instead, I could tell by how I felt that my better-late-than-never period was showing up after all.
And I felt a bit sad for that non-existent entity that shall never be because, frankly, we don't want any more kids and aren't planning on any and have taken steps to prevent them but since nothing but abstinence is 100% well the 38 or 39 days between cycles had me worried.
The other odd thing? MOH and I were trying to explaining tucking left or right and positioning one's genitalia in one's pants to my son and he said the funniest thing.
He said it usually just seems to want to point down.
I said he probably didn't want to get it used to that.
Then he agreed with me because he didn't want his penis to be like a walrus tusk!!!
Oh and not nearly as odd as that... Bought some things and in a pocket of a shirt I found a business card.
Should I look at the website???
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Tuesday 4 September 2012
What would have been perfect...
i would have loved to have had a nice bubble bath and then curled up in a cool room with a good book with a cold glass of lactose free milk and a small bowl of chocolate covered almonds.
Maybe Tuesday I'll get lucky.
I'm starting to feel tired so I am going to go up to bed now.
Gotta get up in the morning, take boy-o to school and toddler to daycare. Then maybe a quick trip to the grocery store.
Tonight, thankfully, my son was kind and went to bed without a fuss and we even had time for a bit of a cuddle on the couch first.
Though my 2-year-old seemed to be practicing for some loudest, shriekiest toddler laughing contest for the ENTIRE FUCKING DAY today.
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love her. I do.
My ears... not quite as much as the rest of me.
I was entertained though when she was looking at some old pictures and she proclaimed a picture of me at the age of 4 as my younger sister and one of me at the age of 1 or 2 as actually being herself.
This was much nicer than when I was looking at a video of The Bloggess' Indigo moment and my toddler kept calling The Bloggess "Mommy" much to my chagrin.
I can see where she was confused, brunettes, with prominent breasts, wearing similar glasses, talking.
But I was thrilled actually when she thought the picture of me as a toddler was a picture of her because people always say the kids don't look like me and it drives me crazy... umn, crazier???
Ha!
OK - g'night!
Maybe Tuesday I'll get lucky.
I'm starting to feel tired so I am going to go up to bed now.
Gotta get up in the morning, take boy-o to school and toddler to daycare. Then maybe a quick trip to the grocery store.
Tonight, thankfully, my son was kind and went to bed without a fuss and we even had time for a bit of a cuddle on the couch first.
Though my 2-year-old seemed to be practicing for some loudest, shriekiest toddler laughing contest for the ENTIRE FUCKING DAY today.
GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love her. I do.
My ears... not quite as much as the rest of me.
I was entertained though when she was looking at some old pictures and she proclaimed a picture of me at the age of 4 as my younger sister and one of me at the age of 1 or 2 as actually being herself.
This was much nicer than when I was looking at a video of The Bloggess' Indigo moment and my toddler kept calling The Bloggess "Mommy" much to my chagrin.
I can see where she was confused, brunettes, with prominent breasts, wearing similar glasses, talking.
But I was thrilled actually when she thought the picture of me as a toddler was a picture of her because people always say the kids don't look like me and it drives me crazy... umn, crazier???
Ha!
OK - g'night!
Sunday 2 September 2012
Apparently a temper tantrum is enough to exhaust me (or it's PMS)
For the second night in a row my son has decided to pitch a fit about going to bed. Including the excuse-ridden go-to stalls of:
- I forgot to take my melatonin
- I'm still hungry
- I need another (drink, hug, kiss, cuddle)
- I can't sleep
Then it turns into a complete refusal to go or to stay in his bed/room.
I say it nicely.
"No!"
I say it firmly.
"No!"
I remind him of the consequences.
It just deteriorates. And my anxiety and stress just build.
I remind him about doing what we ask the first time to help me stay healthy.
It makes no difference.
MOH and I stop engaging with him.
His response is to get louder, knock things over, throw things, and to yell that he won't do what we want because we are making him angry.
When he finally does go to bed, I just want to bawl my eyes out.
This happened last night too.
I have less and less energy to cope with this.
Sometimes I feel like one of these days after one of his tantrums, when I get a moment to catch my breath to cry, or to bury my face in my pillow and scream that I'll just cease to exist.
EDITED TO ADD:
According to the online tracking site I use... it could be the fact that I am PMSing.
The site thinks my period should have been here on the 26th. But my period is not always regular.
Here's the proof (the following is the number of days between cycles):
27 days
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- I forgot to take my melatonin
- I'm still hungry
- I need another (drink, hug, kiss, cuddle)
- I can't sleep
Then it turns into a complete refusal to go or to stay in his bed/room.
I say it nicely.
"No!"
I say it firmly.
"No!"
I remind him of the consequences.
It just deteriorates. And my anxiety and stress just build.
I remind him about doing what we ask the first time to help me stay healthy.
It makes no difference.
MOH and I stop engaging with him.
His response is to get louder, knock things over, throw things, and to yell that he won't do what we want because we are making him angry.
When he finally does go to bed, I just want to bawl my eyes out.
This happened last night too.
I have less and less energy to cope with this.
Sometimes I feel like one of these days after one of his tantrums, when I get a moment to catch my breath to cry, or to bury my face in my pillow and scream that I'll just cease to exist.
EDITED TO ADD:
According to the online tracking site I use... it could be the fact that I am PMSing.
The site thinks my period should have been here on the 26th. But my period is not always regular.
Here's the proof (the following is the number of days between cycles):
27 days
| 27 days |
| 25 days |
| 26 days |
| 35 days |
| 27 days |
| 25 days |
| 27 days |
| 2011 | 29 days |
| 18 days |
| 30 days |
| 34 days |
| 20 days |
| 33 days |
| 25 days |
| 27 days |
| 30 days |
| 33 days |
| 31 days |
| 29 days |
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Why are so many negative words associated with women?
I was thinking about this the other day.
The words hurled as insults...
The C word, bitch, slut, whore, douchebag, tramp. Even words like princess can be used as an insult.
Yet someone who is ballsy and cocksure - those are generally considered positive things.
Go figure!
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The words hurled as insults...
The C word, bitch, slut, whore, douchebag, tramp. Even words like princess can be used as an insult.
Yet someone who is ballsy and cocksure - those are generally considered positive things.
Go figure!
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Feeling in a better mood today
So the panic attack/paranoia thing had me really off-kilter yesterday and getting dragged out by some of my friends and having a few drinks gave me an opportunity to dance the tensions off.
And I realize as I type that statement that it comes across as one of self-defense or denial or something....
But I don't know how else to express it.
All i can say that when my beautiful friend picked me up that she and I had some lengthy girl talk and then i caught her up a bit on my mental state and then we went in and she bought me the shooter and my first vodka & 7.
And my friends bought me 2 more before the night was over.
So willpower 0.
I need to find something HEALTHY that can make me feel as relaxed and happy as alcohol consumption can.
Maybe it will be the gym?
A local gym had an amazing deal on. A few of my friends have memberships there and one of my friends has worked there for about 3 years so it gives it some credibility of safety and the gym itself has had a good vibe the times I've been through there.
MOH and I both got memberships because at $10/month per person, how can you go wrong?
It will help us get healthier, which is important in our 40s, especially when our youngest won't be 3 until next year.
And exercise is supposed to help people with bipolar, depression etc...
I am irritated because even though MOH arranged to have someone come over and see him today - he hasn't tidied up anything since making those arrangements days ago.
OK so maybe I'm only in a marginally better mood today.
And I realize as I type that statement that it comes across as one of self-defense or denial or something....
But I don't know how else to express it.
All i can say that when my beautiful friend picked me up that she and I had some lengthy girl talk and then i caught her up a bit on my mental state and then we went in and she bought me the shooter and my first vodka & 7.
And my friends bought me 2 more before the night was over.
So willpower 0.
I need to find something HEALTHY that can make me feel as relaxed and happy as alcohol consumption can.
Maybe it will be the gym?
A local gym had an amazing deal on. A few of my friends have memberships there and one of my friends has worked there for about 3 years so it gives it some credibility of safety and the gym itself has had a good vibe the times I've been through there.
MOH and I both got memberships because at $10/month per person, how can you go wrong?
It will help us get healthier, which is important in our 40s, especially when our youngest won't be 3 until next year.
And exercise is supposed to help people with bipolar, depression etc...
I am irritated because even though MOH arranged to have someone come over and see him today - he hasn't tidied up anything since making those arrangements days ago.
OK so maybe I'm only in a marginally better mood today.
True confessions
From the bar...
1 polar bear shooter
3 vodka and 7s
Confessions muist wait time todance again
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
1 polar bear shooter
3 vodka and 7s
Confessions muist wait time todance again
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Saturday 1 September 2012
I missed an opportunity to post whilst I was freaking out
Today we decided to walk to the school to check out Son's class assignment. Daughter is starting a whole new school and will be riding a school bus for 7th grade and the tiny dictator only has a few hrs a wk at daycare to help improve her skills.
Even though it was very quiet out today. It was/is not a strong mental health day for me.
I am finding it more difficult to be out like that, where there is no where to hide, no reason to walk away, no distractions, no safety in numbers.
Yes MOH is there but so are two of my vulnerable children.
I am too exposed.
In the car, in a building, safety with some trusted others is ok.
But walking to and from my car sucks.
What do I do now???
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Even though it was very quiet out today. It was/is not a strong mental health day for me.
I am finding it more difficult to be out like that, where there is no where to hide, no reason to walk away, no distractions, no safety in numbers.
Yes MOH is there but so are two of my vulnerable children.
I am too exposed.
In the car, in a building, safety with some trusted others is ok.
But walking to and from my car sucks.
What do I do now???
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Thursday 30 August 2012
Psychiatric Interpreter or Advocate - what are your thoughts?
I have been - well some might say "obsessing over" but I prefer to re-frame it as - "considering this topic quite seriously for a significant portion of time."
I have previously brought friends with me to medical doctor appointments with me because I tend to get nervous and overwhelmed and I've gotten them to pay attention to the details for me.
But this is different.
I've thought of bringing someone along with me to listen to Dr. Cool and help me interpret what his intent is since I sometimes seem to be questioning what his hidden agenda is (because there always has to be a hidden agenda according to the way I view the world, when it comes to this sort of thing which is why I simply cannot bring myself to share EVERYTHING).
The other thought is to bring one of my close friends with me. Not MOH because he is too emotionally involved with me to be clear-headed in this sort of scenario, plus he has a tough time structuring his own thoughts...
Just one of my close friends who can maybe help explain or discuss the things that I find difficult opening up to Dr. Cool about and maybe interpreting ME to him so that he better understands that unless someone gets to know me really well so that I am comfortable letting them in a bit more, people don't really get to see any of my real vulnerability.
I am the person who others come to for help and advice. Because I care and because I actually am pretty damn good at it. I'm just blind when it comes to myself in a lot of ways because I can only see myself in an unemotional way.
My emotions - at least the ones that hurt - are not connected to me. A number of years ago I saw a movie starring Matthew Perry and I really identified with so much of how his character was that I even looked up the condition his character had because it seemed so much like me.
The movie was called "Numb" and his character had depersonalization disorder & clinical depression.
At that time I was feeling very much as if I was watching my life like a movie, which is something I have experienced a lot in my life at various times because I tend to be fairly disconnected from my emotions. Though I do try to be connected to the happy ones, like happiness and joy and love.
Back to the purpose of this post though.
I tend to go off on tangents when trying to present some of my beliefs and feelings. Plus I get afraid of telling Dr. Cool everything because I have a great fear of being "formed" and being put away against my wishes for by a whim.
I've heard those questions... "Do you believe you have a super-power?"
No, not a super-power BUT believing in the power of magic and of prayer and spells is about my spiritual belief system but that might not be how Dr. Cool would see it.
Or believing that people are out to get you. Why wouldn't there be people out to get me?
Let's look at it this way - I was abused as a child for no reason other than the person who did it decided I was someone he wanted to abuse. I was abused by two other people as a child as well.
Then I was date-raped on more than one occasion and I eluded some attempts by other men more than once in my teens and 20s.
I was involved in a couple of abusive relationships in my life before I met MOH.
So looking at all that -- why is it "crazy" or "paranoid" to believe or feel or worry that there could be people I know or have known or even total strangers to me who are out to get me???
It's a damned dangerous world. My experiences tell me so.
What's that saying, burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me -- well how many times have I been burned by men (in general) in my life so far?
I don't call it paranoia, I call it PRECAUTIONARY!!!!!!!
I know I'll get riled and defensive if I try to explain that to Dr. Calm - but maybe one of my friends could do it for me?
So who needs the interpreter? The Doctor or the Patient?
Or is it better to look at it like simply bringing along an advocate?
I have previously brought friends with me to medical doctor appointments with me because I tend to get nervous and overwhelmed and I've gotten them to pay attention to the details for me.
But this is different.
I've thought of bringing someone along with me to listen to Dr. Cool and help me interpret what his intent is since I sometimes seem to be questioning what his hidden agenda is (because there always has to be a hidden agenda according to the way I view the world, when it comes to this sort of thing which is why I simply cannot bring myself to share EVERYTHING).
The other thought is to bring one of my close friends with me. Not MOH because he is too emotionally involved with me to be clear-headed in this sort of scenario, plus he has a tough time structuring his own thoughts...
Just one of my close friends who can maybe help explain or discuss the things that I find difficult opening up to Dr. Cool about and maybe interpreting ME to him so that he better understands that unless someone gets to know me really well so that I am comfortable letting them in a bit more, people don't really get to see any of my real vulnerability.
I am the person who others come to for help and advice. Because I care and because I actually am pretty damn good at it. I'm just blind when it comes to myself in a lot of ways because I can only see myself in an unemotional way.
My emotions - at least the ones that hurt - are not connected to me. A number of years ago I saw a movie starring Matthew Perry and I really identified with so much of how his character was that I even looked up the condition his character had because it seemed so much like me.
The movie was called "Numb" and his character had depersonalization disorder & clinical depression.
At that time I was feeling very much as if I was watching my life like a movie, which is something I have experienced a lot in my life at various times because I tend to be fairly disconnected from my emotions. Though I do try to be connected to the happy ones, like happiness and joy and love.
Back to the purpose of this post though.
I tend to go off on tangents when trying to present some of my beliefs and feelings. Plus I get afraid of telling Dr. Cool everything because I have a great fear of being "formed" and being put away against my wishes for by a whim.
I've heard those questions... "Do you believe you have a super-power?"
No, not a super-power BUT believing in the power of magic and of prayer and spells is about my spiritual belief system but that might not be how Dr. Cool would see it.
Or believing that people are out to get you. Why wouldn't there be people out to get me?
Let's look at it this way - I was abused as a child for no reason other than the person who did it decided I was someone he wanted to abuse. I was abused by two other people as a child as well.
Then I was date-raped on more than one occasion and I eluded some attempts by other men more than once in my teens and 20s.
I was involved in a couple of abusive relationships in my life before I met MOH.
So looking at all that -- why is it "crazy" or "paranoid" to believe or feel or worry that there could be people I know or have known or even total strangers to me who are out to get me???
It's a damned dangerous world. My experiences tell me so.
What's that saying, burn me once, shame on you, burn me twice shame on me -- well how many times have I been burned by men (in general) in my life so far?
I don't call it paranoia, I call it PRECAUTIONARY!!!!!!!
I know I'll get riled and defensive if I try to explain that to Dr. Calm - but maybe one of my friends could do it for me?
So who needs the interpreter? The Doctor or the Patient?
Or is it better to look at it like simply bringing along an advocate?
Tuesday 28 August 2012
Something that's been making the rounds lately
OK so this is a blog post that was made a year ago but it still relates to people today.
And, sadly, it will probably relate for years to come just as it has in the past. We women say these things to ourselves in the form of negative self-talk.
Our friends and families have said this to us, our teachers, our peers, our colleagues, our employers, our significant (or maybe past INsignificant others have done so).
Maybe we've had a doctor or therapist even say something like this to us. Hell, maybe even our kids have done it and said things like this to us.
Society, the media, the infamous and insidious "THEY" have drilled these sorts of messages into us -- and I'm sure we've all had a moment or even more where we've done it to someone else, whether it was to someone female or male. And whether or not we are willing to admit it to ourselves else or not.
The blog post I am speaking of is from here: http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-%E2%80%9Ccrazy%E2%80%9D/#more-361
And here is a quote from the post:
The post focuses mainly on men who do this to women but, frankly, it's done by a lot of people to others, regardless of gender. Though I will say I have experienced a lot of it in previous romantic relationships.
So, since I am still sick and, apparently, spending most of my day nauseous, with a fever and frequent trips to the bathroom doesn't allow much time for any other issues to arise because the rest of the family is treating me with supreme kindness and doing their best to keep it quiet and peaceful around here (other than some short-lived tantruming this morning from my son) I don't have much else to report.
And, sadly, it will probably relate for years to come just as it has in the past. We women say these things to ourselves in the form of negative self-talk.
Our friends and families have said this to us, our teachers, our peers, our colleagues, our employers, our significant (or maybe past INsignificant others have done so).
Maybe we've had a doctor or therapist even say something like this to us. Hell, maybe even our kids have done it and said things like this to us.
Society, the media, the infamous and insidious "THEY" have drilled these sorts of messages into us -- and I'm sure we've all had a moment or even more where we've done it to someone else, whether it was to someone female or male. And whether or not we are willing to admit it to ourselves else or not.
The blog post I am speaking of is from here: http://thecurrentconscience.com/blog/2011/09/12/a-message-to-women-from-a-man-you-are-not-%E2%80%9Ccrazy%E2%80%9D/#more-361
And here is a quote from the post:
"Those who engage in gaslighting create a reaction—whether it’s anger, frustration, sadness—in the person they are dealing with. Then, when that person reacts, the gaslighter makes them feel uncomfortable and insecure by behaving as if their feelings aren’t rational or normal."
The post focuses mainly on men who do this to women but, frankly, it's done by a lot of people to others, regardless of gender. Though I will say I have experienced a lot of it in previous romantic relationships.
So, since I am still sick and, apparently, spending most of my day nauseous, with a fever and frequent trips to the bathroom doesn't allow much time for any other issues to arise because the rest of the family is treating me with supreme kindness and doing their best to keep it quiet and peaceful around here (other than some short-lived tantruming this morning from my son) I don't have much else to report.
Monday 27 August 2012
Puberty in our house!!!
So our oldest kids have been a bit emotionally behind others their age so although our 12-year-old requires a bra, we haven't had to deal with any other "cusp of womanhood" things in reality, though we have had many preparatory talks.
And our 10-year-old, although oblivious to his capabilities as a ladies man, has given us no real issues other than complaining over a lack of body hair and general height.
That is until recently.
He has had a few talks to me about erections. Because he's been experiencing random ones.
As a Mom, this is a tough one. But he always confides in me. We are a lot alike and I "get" him better than anyone else (or I am experiencing delusions of grandeur, who knows?)
So as difficult as it may be to talk about this with him, I'm also proud that he knows that he can talk to me about anything.
----
Totally random memory moment about my boy:
In Junior Kindergarten, they had a Mom Day at my son's class. He was attending a special school so his class consisted of 8 students
All the kids who were verbal were introducing their Moms with, "My Mommy's name is Mommy."
The teacher gets to my son who yells out, "My Mommy's name is Flabbergasted Mom the First!"
Because he used my full legal name and was the only child in his class to do so.
I still smile when I think of it.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
And our 10-year-old, although oblivious to his capabilities as a ladies man, has given us no real issues other than complaining over a lack of body hair and general height.
That is until recently.
He has had a few talks to me about erections. Because he's been experiencing random ones.
As a Mom, this is a tough one. But he always confides in me. We are a lot alike and I "get" him better than anyone else (or I am experiencing delusions of grandeur, who knows?)
So as difficult as it may be to talk about this with him, I'm also proud that he knows that he can talk to me about anything.
----
Totally random memory moment about my boy:
In Junior Kindergarten, they had a Mom Day at my son's class. He was attending a special school so his class consisted of 8 students
All the kids who were verbal were introducing their Moms with, "My Mommy's name is Mommy."
The teacher gets to my son who yells out, "My Mommy's name is Flabbergasted Mom the First!"
Because he used my full legal name and was the only child in his class to do so.
I still smile when I think of it.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Sunday 26 August 2012
I blame Sister Coughing Lady
Guess who has been spending way too much time in the bathroom for the later part of the day?
Yep.
C'est moi.
And I just went bilingual on your ass! ;)
At first I wondered if I caught something when I voted at the early polling station today but then I thought about the coughing lady I encountered at the Family History conference yesterday.
Arrrgh.
Hopefully this is a 24 hour thing.
In other news, MOH and I had a pretty good week but there have been a lot of quick blow-ups.
For that, I blame housework/organization.
I am sipping some Pepsi (the ultimate internal cure-all) out of my Wonder Woman cup in the hopes that it helps me feel better since I haven't really eaten today.
This better be a 24 hour thing.
And I know I already said it but I really mean it!!
I think I need to sack out again now that MOH and the kids are upstairs.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Yep.
C'est moi.
And I just went bilingual on your ass! ;)
At first I wondered if I caught something when I voted at the early polling station today but then I thought about the coughing lady I encountered at the Family History conference yesterday.
Arrrgh.
Hopefully this is a 24 hour thing.
In other news, MOH and I had a pretty good week but there have been a lot of quick blow-ups.
For that, I blame housework/organization.
I am sipping some Pepsi (the ultimate internal cure-all) out of my Wonder Woman cup in the hopes that it helps me feel better since I haven't really eaten today.
This better be a 24 hour thing.
And I know I already said it but I really mean it!!
I think I need to sack out again now that MOH and the kids are upstairs.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Organization thy name is truly Hell
I really, really, really suck at this sort of thing. So does MOH. But at the same time I am determined to get some structure and routine in our lives.
But I feel like I am not only at odds with my family but also battling against my own intrinsic nature!
*sigh*
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
But I feel like I am not only at odds with my family but also battling against my own intrinsic nature!
*sigh*
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Saturday 25 August 2012
Finally, a quiet moment
The computer has been defragging for over an hour.
Today ended up being a good day once my meds kicked in :)
Being in a place I've never been before, with a LOT of strangers, who were far more outgoing than I had anticipated and on yet another crappy night's sleep was not a recipe for success but I actually quite enjoyed myself overall once my nerves calmed down.
Three things I thought would have been an improvement:
- the seminars all being based towards FREE ways to source and cite and research and to make our info available to researchers of the future
- every guest filling in a sheet with the names of our ancestors back 6 generations (if known) at time of registration for connections to be looked for and handed out when picking up our packages in the morning
- NO politics!!!! I could give a rat's ass what msg freakin' Stephen Harper had for us this morning (and I'd feel the same if Jack Layton was alive and he'd become Prime Minister since I voted NDP in the last election!)
What else did I learn today?
Mormons refer to one another as Brother and Sister and I was told by someone non-Mormon that they either do not consume coffee specifically or caffeine in any form (or someone could have been pulling my leg)
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Today ended up being a good day once my meds kicked in :)
Being in a place I've never been before, with a LOT of strangers, who were far more outgoing than I had anticipated and on yet another crappy night's sleep was not a recipe for success but I actually quite enjoyed myself overall once my nerves calmed down.
Three things I thought would have been an improvement:
- the seminars all being based towards FREE ways to source and cite and research and to make our info available to researchers of the future
- every guest filling in a sheet with the names of our ancestors back 6 generations (if known) at time of registration for connections to be looked for and handed out when picking up our packages in the morning
- NO politics!!!! I could give a rat's ass what msg freakin' Stephen Harper had for us this morning (and I'd feel the same if Jack Layton was alive and he'd become Prime Minister since I voted NDP in the last election!)
What else did I learn today?
Mormons refer to one another as Brother and Sister and I was told by someone non-Mormon that they either do not consume coffee specifically or caffeine in any form (or someone could have been pulling my leg)
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
I'm in an LDS church and I want to go home!
No, I haven't been kidnapped, consumed any Kool-Aid, been converted, transformed or heard the word, call or whatever.
At a point and time far earlier this year when I was living, breathing and forgoing sleep in the pursuit of my newest obsessive passion which was genealogy (which I still enjoy but at a far more reasonable and moderate pace) I decided to pre-register and pay to attend a Family History conference being held in my town.
Of course I was also feeling a lot more "up" then.
Well, it's today.
And I'm here.
I am sitting at the back of a room, as far away from everyone else as possible, and the friendly, well-meaning Mormons keep coming over to say hello while I am taking my stupid Rescue Remedy drops (meant to alleviate anxiety as one of my diagnoses is social anxiety disorder) but which seems to be doing exactly NOTHING!!
And I have to pee but I am afraid that there will be more friendly people who will have conversational expectations of me if I go into the bathroom because, well hell - that's a trueism that entertainment media got right... Women DO talk in the bathroom!
It's not even 9 a.m. And this goes till 4!!!
What the hell am I going to do? There is a limited amount of genealogical related literature for me to read, then re-read and then pretend to read until the seminars begin!!!!!
And I read REALLY fast!
Plus all my previous years in retail may even allow me to wait to pee until this whole event is over, like a camel. Isn't it camels that don't have to pee very often? I know they don't have to drink very often so it would make sense that they also don't pee a lot.
Old ladies are staring at me now. Like "why is that girl in the pigtails playing with her phone?"
If it was my son, he'd be hoping I downloaded a game or something cool. But the old ladies probably think I am pretending to be on the phone so I don't have to talk to them (because they can SEE I'm clearly not on the phone since it's not up to my ear and I'm not even talking) and now the one who came and sat two seats away from me where there are literally at least 100 other seats is coughing!
I can't remember if coughing is a sign of West Nile or not but I was scratching a mosquito bite the other night and then the news came on and they were talking about West Nile being an epidemic and that there were at least 30 cases in Toronto (which isn't that far from here).
It's getting too busy in this room. I am going to walk outside because I can't breathe in here anymore.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
At a point and time far earlier this year when I was living, breathing and forgoing sleep in the pursuit of my newest obsessive passion which was genealogy (which I still enjoy but at a far more reasonable and moderate pace) I decided to pre-register and pay to attend a Family History conference being held in my town.
Of course I was also feeling a lot more "up" then.
Well, it's today.
And I'm here.
I am sitting at the back of a room, as far away from everyone else as possible, and the friendly, well-meaning Mormons keep coming over to say hello while I am taking my stupid Rescue Remedy drops (meant to alleviate anxiety as one of my diagnoses is social anxiety disorder) but which seems to be doing exactly NOTHING!!
And I have to pee but I am afraid that there will be more friendly people who will have conversational expectations of me if I go into the bathroom because, well hell - that's a trueism that entertainment media got right... Women DO talk in the bathroom!
It's not even 9 a.m. And this goes till 4!!!
What the hell am I going to do? There is a limited amount of genealogical related literature for me to read, then re-read and then pretend to read until the seminars begin!!!!!
And I read REALLY fast!
Plus all my previous years in retail may even allow me to wait to pee until this whole event is over, like a camel. Isn't it camels that don't have to pee very often? I know they don't have to drink very often so it would make sense that they also don't pee a lot.
Old ladies are staring at me now. Like "why is that girl in the pigtails playing with her phone?"
If it was my son, he'd be hoping I downloaded a game or something cool. But the old ladies probably think I am pretending to be on the phone so I don't have to talk to them (because they can SEE I'm clearly not on the phone since it's not up to my ear and I'm not even talking) and now the one who came and sat two seats away from me where there are literally at least 100 other seats is coughing!
I can't remember if coughing is a sign of West Nile or not but I was scratching a mosquito bite the other night and then the news came on and they were talking about West Nile being an epidemic and that there were at least 30 cases in Toronto (which isn't that far from here).
It's getting too busy in this room. I am going to walk outside because I can't breathe in here anymore.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Friday 24 August 2012
I want purple hair
I want a hair cut. I want amazing purple hair and I want it now. But I can't do it. I'm too fat for the hair cut I want and I totally suck at dyeing my hair. I always manage to miss like a big patch of hair on one side of my head but the purple dye I like the best is so damn messy I can't really ask anyone to help me with it. But at the same time now I am a bit paranoid that if I change my hair that suddenly it takes on some new meaning.
Keep in mind that since I first started dyeing my hair 22 years ago that I tend to whine and bitch about my hair for a bit and then BOOM new hair for me!
So now it's like what if it's looked upon like a sign of something more? Was it actually Freud who said that sometime a cigar is just a cigar or is that some shit I read on the internet?
Got some other stuff on my mind since one of my good friends is at the hospital with her mom but I don't want to think about that stuff so this is all you are getting from me for now.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Keep in mind that since I first started dyeing my hair 22 years ago that I tend to whine and bitch about my hair for a bit and then BOOM new hair for me!
So now it's like what if it's looked upon like a sign of something more? Was it actually Freud who said that sometime a cigar is just a cigar or is that some shit I read on the internet?
Got some other stuff on my mind since one of my good friends is at the hospital with her mom but I don't want to think about that stuff so this is all you are getting from me for now.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
Thursday 23 August 2012
Still obsessing over my last psych appt
So I still can't decide how I want to address it with dr. Calm because my last appt was the 2nd time where I was left wondering whether or not his behaviour was meant to trick or entice me into an emotional response beyond what I would normally display.
But what do I say? Because I think I would come across as accusatory and adversarial if I say that to him. And despite what he has said to me before I really don't think that I can address how I feel about issues about him WITH him.
There's some thing that one of my friends mentioned to me about when you are interacting with people and knowing if you are in the role of a Parent, Adult or Child and which of those 3 roles the other person is in and by being more mindful of which role we are in - we can better control ourselves to move into a role more conduscive to a successful interaction.
It's some idea from the 60s I think.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
But what do I say? Because I think I would come across as accusatory and adversarial if I say that to him. And despite what he has said to me before I really don't think that I can address how I feel about issues about him WITH him.
There's some thing that one of my friends mentioned to me about when you are interacting with people and knowing if you are in the role of a Parent, Adult or Child and which of those 3 roles the other person is in and by being more mindful of which role we are in - we can better control ourselves to move into a role more conduscive to a successful interaction.
It's some idea from the 60s I think.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
To join a gym or not???
I have been kicking around the idea of joining a gym though. A local one has a hell of a deal on right now. But the deal ends on the 28th (and I just learned of it yesterday).
$44 for initial sign-up (includes membership fee, membership card, one month deposit) and then it's $10/month + tax.
Though twice a year you pay an extra $20 to keep the price at $10/month.
Normally it's a $99 sign-up fee and $45/ per month.
The downfalls are:
- will I *GO* to the damn gym enough
- it's about a 25 minute drive from my place which would blow come winter time
- wondering if I may be freaked out to go when it's a slow time at the gym
Upsides are:
- great monthly price which will stay that way so long as one remains a member
- open 24 hrs Sun - Fri, reduced hrs on Saturdays
- male/female gym (I hate gyms that are just for women because the really fit women intimidate me and then I don't want to go)
- childcare $3 for 2 hrs max but I think, in general, MOH and I would go at different times if we both joined, it might even be a go-to if we had a fight as a way to work off some anger
Thoughts?
$44 for initial sign-up (includes membership fee, membership card, one month deposit) and then it's $10/month + tax.
Though twice a year you pay an extra $20 to keep the price at $10/month.
Normally it's a $99 sign-up fee and $45/ per month.
The downfalls are:
- will I *GO* to the damn gym enough
- it's about a 25 minute drive from my place which would blow come winter time
- wondering if I may be freaked out to go when it's a slow time at the gym
Upsides are:
- great monthly price which will stay that way so long as one remains a member
- open 24 hrs Sun - Fri, reduced hrs on Saturdays
- male/female gym (I hate gyms that are just for women because the really fit women intimidate me and then I don't want to go)
- childcare $3 for 2 hrs max but I think, in general, MOH and I would go at different times if we both joined, it might even be a go-to if we had a fight as a way to work off some anger
Thoughts?
Wednesday 22 August 2012
Why do I care what guys think?
All the way back to Kindergarten, I was all about external validation from males.
Feeling better about myself when boys (and later on, men) noticed me and paid attention to me.
I couldn't (and still have great difficulty) mustering self-esteem but I can feel esteem when I receive forms of external validation from men.
Being complimented or flirted with or even spoken to as an equal makes me feel good about myself. But why is that?
It's nice when women behave that way with me as well but it doesn't have the same effect on me. Nor does it generate the same internal feelings.
Typing it out:
Feeling better about myself when boys (and later on, men) noticed me and paid attention to me.
I couldn't (and still have great difficulty) mustering self-esteem but I can feel esteem when I receive forms of external validation from men.
Being complimented or flirted with or even spoken to as an equal makes me feel good about myself. But why is that?
It's nice when women behave that way with me as well but it doesn't have the same effect on me. Nor does it generate the same internal feelings.
Typing it out:
- As a child I liked having "boyfriends" in grade school because it made me feel normal
- MOH suggested it might have been an early manifestation of my need to always have people around me
- Being around others also made it more difficult for [the bully] to get at me, as he only did things to me when we were alone
- I was often teased for being ugly so having "boyfriends" counter-acted those hurtful words
- there wasn't a lot of affection in my family growing up, so I got that from my boyfriends as I grew older
- I have never believed that I was or am "pretty" or "beautiful" - I will say I can be "cute" or "interesting looking" and occasionally "sexy" but it takes some effort & being flirted with by ex-lovers or others makes me think that maybe I still have some spark that can attract people <I know MOH loves me no matter how fat I am because he loves me for my soul and my mind>
- Knowing that people are attracted to me but that I am faithful to MOH gives me control of a situation, plus esteem and pride at my own morals
- I see the worth in other people in their personalities and behaviour and how they live their lives but I find it impossible to view myself in that manner and I have not figured out how to re-frame myself in the same way
Wifey made me post this - My Insanity Score...
Your Sanity Score
135
(The Sanity Score is based upon a scientific algorithm with scores ranging from 0 - 288.)
Your specific subscores are below (subscales range from 0 - 100). Under the graph of subscores, you will find additional information regarding the meaning of any significant scores or areas that may be of concern.
| General Coping |
93 |
| Life Events |
38 |
| Depression |
53 |
| Anxiety |
66 |
| Phobias |
42 |
| Self-Esteem |
33 |
| Eating Disorders |
35 |
| Schizophrenia |
25 |
| Dissociation |
58 |
| Mania |
40 |
| Sexual Issues |
13 |
| Relationship Issues |
38 |
| Alcohol |
0 |
| Drugs |
0 |
| Physical Issues |
33 |
| Smoking Issues |
0 |
| Gambling Issues |
0 |
| Technology Issues |
88 |
| Obsessions/Compulsions |
56 |
| Posttraumatic Stress |
58 |
| Borderline Traits |
79
|
Your BMI: 29.6Your body mass index (BMI) is a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to both adult men and women. BMI correlates with body fat. The relation between fatness and BMI differs with age and gender. For example, women are more likely to have a higher percent of body fat than men for the same BMI. On average, older people may have more body fat than younger adults with the same BMI. |
|
General Coping:
People with similar scores as yours tend to feel overwhelmed by life or
specific things in life right now.
You appear to express a great degree of unhappiness with life right
now, which strongly suggests a change would be helpful, such
as seeking out professional help or talking to a doctor about your
concerns.
Life Events: You're experiencing events in your life that may be negatively affecting your overall mental health and your ability to cope with other things in your life. This may also affect your mood.
Depression:
People with scores similar to yours
are typically suffering from a moderate to severe depressive episode. This is also known as clinical depression or just plain depression.
People who have answered similarly to you typically qualify for
a diagnosis of major depression and have sought professional
treatment for this disorder.
You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible depressive disorder.
Take Action for Depression:
Anxiety:
People with scores similar to yours
may be suffering from moderate to high anxiety,
symptoms that might typically qualify a person for the diagnosis
of an anxiety disorder.
Sometimes people who feel such anxiety symptoms don't realize
that their body may be trying to tell them something.
Look for patterns in your behavior, such as when and what
circumstances under which you experience the symptoms
you've described. For example, if it occurs prior to public
speaking and your job requires a lot of presentations you may
want to find ways to calm yourself before speaking or let
others do some of the presentations.
You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible anxiety disorder.
The most common anxiety disorders diagnosed are either panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder.
Take Action for Anxiety:
Phobias:
People with scores similar to yours express some irrational fears of certain specific
object or situations, such as being afraid of heights, snakes, or enclosed spaces.
Generally, however, most people with this level of fear simply avoid the specific
objects or situations in their lives and are not bothered enough by the fears to
have it interrupt their everyday lives.
Self-Esteem: People with scores similar to yours express some minor concerns with their self-esteem. Self-esteem is most often the product of our upbringing and personalities. It is something that a self-help book or psychotherapist can help a person learn to readily improve in even just a few sessions. Generally, however, most people have some minor self-esteem issues and often don't seek out assistance for this issue.
Eating Disorders: People with scores similar to yours often have a trait or two associated with an eating disorder, such as anorexia or bulimia. Eating disorders occur due to poor self-image and self-esteem, often as a result of childhood experiences. People with scores similar to yours often go through life with a somewhat unhealthy attitude and approach to eating, but aren't bothered by it enough to seek professional assistance for it. If it is causing you concern, however, you should consider talking to a therapist who specializes in eating disorders.
Your body mass index suggests you may also be overweight, which could be causing you additional stress.
Take Action for an Eating Disorder:
Schizophrenia:
People with scores similar to yours sometimes exhibit a symptom or two that may be
consistent with schizophrenia, or a schizophrenia-related disorder.
This doesn't mean you have schizophrenia, as some traits and symptoms may be found
in people who do not qualify for a schizophrenia diagnosis. But it is something
to be aware, especially if you are a teenager or in early adulthood (when schizophrenia
is commonly diagnosed).
Take Action for Schizophrenia:
Dissociation:
People with scores similar to yours may have something called
dissociation or a dissociative identity disorder.
Dissociation is a mental process, which produces a lack of connection
in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of
identity. During the period of time when a person is dissociating,
certain information is not associated with other information as it
normally would be. For example, during a traumatic experience, a person
may dissociate the memory of the place and circumstances of the trauma
from his ongoing memory, resulting in a temporary mental escape from the
fear and pain of the trauma and, in some cases, a memory gap
surrounding the experience.
You can learn more about dissociative disorders here.
People with this sort of issue often seek out professional treatment for their concern from a therapist with experience in treating dissociation.
Mania & Bipolar Disorder: People with scores similar to yours often complain of symptoms commonly associated with bipolar disorder (also known as manic-depression), or a minor form of bipolar disorder (called bipolar II). Bipolar disorder is characterized by a swing in moods from depression to mania (having racing thoughts, an excess of energy, inability to maintain attention, etc.). Bipolar disorder at this level may interfere with a person's normal, everyday life and sometimes impair functioning in social relationships, work, school, and other areas of one's life. You can learn more about the symptoms and types of bipolar disorder here.
People who report similar levels of bipolar symptoms may benefit from professional treatment for their concern through a combination of psychotherapy and medication.
Relationship Issues: People with scores similar to yours often have a minor or moderate relationship issue that is causing them some concern.
Physical Issues: People with scores similar to yours often have a physical issue that causes them some concern or effort in their daily lives.
Technology Issues:
People with scores similar to yours often complain about having difficulty controlling
their time or use of the Internet and other technologies.
People with this sort of problem often identify it as being "addicted to the Internet."
Some therapists
may be able to help you with this issue and reduce your Internet use or use of other technologies so
that it interferes less with important relationships in your life, such as those with your
friends, family, or significant other.
Obsessions & Compulsions:
People with scores similar to yours
often have an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
You can view symptoms and
treatment options for this disorder.
This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment.
However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you
to seek a professional diagnosis from a trained mental
health professional in your community at your earliest convenience.
Take Action for Obsessions/Compulsions:
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with
posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
a disorder characterized
by reliving a suffered trauma through flashbacks, nightmares or other recollections of the event.
This is a serious concern that often requires professional treatment.
If you suspect you may have PTSD as a result of a childhood trauma, you may also
want to take our PTSD for child injury quiz.
Borderline Traits:
People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with
borderline personality disorder.
Recommendations
You have 8 serious concerns that we've identified.
Generally such concerns should be checked out with a mental health professional
as soon as you can. You can find a mental health professional within your local
community through your insurance provider or through
an online
therapist directory.
Get help immediately if these concerns are overwhelming or you feel your health
or safety is at risk.
You have 8 milder concerns that we've identified. Such concerns may be a part of an ordinary person's usual up's and down's in life. However, if any of these issues cause you worry or concern, please consult with your physician or a mental health professional for further information.
Please remember, this is not a diagnosis or diagnostic test.
It is only a general screening to give you a broad understanding of the
mental health concerns you may be facing right now in your life.
Sanity Quiz... oh look at this...
No comments on this - just posting the results...
And if you want to try it out yourself go to: http://www.sanityscore.com/
Based upon your answers, you appear to be experiencing a great deal of distress at the moment --
your overall mental health is greatly affected by this distress.
People with similar scores experience life as overwhelming and have a great deal of difficulty
in coping with life, relationships, work or school.
If you have been feeling this way for longer than 2 weeks' time, people similar to you have sought
out professional care from a mental health professional, such as a psychologist, psychotherapist
or psychiatrist.
(The Sanity Score is based upon a scientific algorithm with scores ranging from 0 - 288.)
Your specific subscores are below (subscales range from 0 - 100). Under the graph of subscores, you will find additional information regarding the meaning of any significant scores or areas that may be of concern.
General Coping:
People with similar scores as yours tend to feel overwhelmed by life or
specific things in life right now.
You appear to express a great degree of unhappiness with life right
now, which strongly suggests a change would be helpful, such
as seeking out professional help or talking to a doctor about your
concerns.
Life Events: You're experiencing events in your life that may be negatively affecting your overall mental health and your ability to cope with other things in your life. This may also affect your mood.
Depression:
People with scores similar to yours
are typically suffering from a moderate to severe depressive episode. This is also known as clinical depression or just plain depression.
People who have answered similarly to you typically qualify for
a diagnosis of major depression and have sought professional
treatment for this disorder.
You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible depressive disorder.
Anxiety:
People with scores similar to yours
may be suffering from moderate to high anxiety,
symptoms that might typically qualify a person for the diagnosis
of an anxiety disorder.
Sometimes people who feel such anxiety symptoms don't realize
that their body may be trying to tell them something.
Look for patterns in your behavior, such as when and what
circumstances under which you experience the symptoms
you've described. For example, if it occurs prior to public
speaking and your job requires a lot of presentations you may
want to find ways to calm yourself before speaking or let
others do some of the presentations.
You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible anxiety disorder.
The most common anxiety disorders diagnosed are either panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder.
Phobias:
People with scores similar to yours typically are diagnosed with a simple or specific phobia,
which is an irrational fear of certain objects or situations, such as being
afraid of heights, snakes, or enclosed spaces. Generally most people with this
kind of concern simply avoid the object or situation. If it is of serious
concern, often people with similar scores will seek out professional help to
cure the person of the irrational fear. Such therapy usually only takes a dozen or
so sessions, and in some cases much less.
Self-Esteem:
People with scores similar to yours express some major concerns with their self-esteem.
Self-esteem is most often the product of our upbringing and personalities. It is
something that a self-help book or psychotherapist can help a person learn to
readily improve in even just a few sessions.
Eating Disorders:
People with scores similar to yours are often diagnosed with an eating disorder, such as
anorexia or
bulimia.
Eating disorders occur mostly in women and are due to poor self-image and self-esteem, often as a result of childhood
experiences.
You can read up on
treatment information for
anorexia or
bulimia.
This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment.
However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you
to seek additional assistance from a mental
health professional who specializes in eating disorders within your community.
Your body mass index suggests you may also be dealing with obesity as an ongoing life issue.
Dissociation:
People with scores similar to yours may have something called
dissociation or a dissociative identity disorder.
Dissociation is a mental process, which produces a lack of connection
in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of
identity. During the period of time when a person is dissociating,
certain information is not associated with other information as it
normally would be. For example, during a traumatic experience, a person
may dissociate the memory of the place and circumstances of the trauma
from his ongoing memory, resulting in a temporary mental escape from the
fear and pain of the trauma and, in some cases, a memory gap
surrounding the experience.
You can learn more about dissociative disorders here.
People with this sort of issue often seek out professional treatment for their concern from a therapist with experience in treating dissociation.
Mania & Bipolar Disorder:
People with scores similar to yours often complain of symptoms commonly associated with bipolar
disorder (also known as manic-depression).
Bipolar disorder is characterized by a swing in moods from depression to mania (having racing thoughts,
an excess of energy, inability to maintain attention, etc.). Bipolar disorder at this level can
seriously interfere with a person's normal, everyday life and impair functioning in social
relationships, work, school, and other areas of one's life.
You can learn more about the symptoms and
types of bipolar disorder here.
People who report similar levels of bipolar symptoms often benefit from professional treatment for their concern through a combination of psychotherapy and medication.
Relationship Issues:
People with scores similar to yours often complain about one or more serious relationship issues.
Relationship issues at this level are often serious and can result in a relationship failing
if they are not addressed by both parties (through some type of intervention, whether it
be a self-help book or couple's counseling or such).
Alcohol/Drug Issues: People with scores similar to yours often have an ongoing but moderate problem with either alcohol or drugs. People often believe the problem is "under control," but whether it actually is or not really depends on specific factors in your life. If others in your life have talked to you about your alcohol or drug use, and you still have not reduced it, that may be an indication of a more serious issue that you should seek help for.
Technology Issues:
People with scores similar to yours often complain about having difficulty controlling
their time or use of the Internet and other technologies.
People with this sort of problem often identify it as being "addicted to the Internet."
Some therapists
may be able to help you with this issue and reduce your Internet use or use of other technologies so
that it interferes less with important relationships in your life, such as those with your
friends, family, or significant other.
Obsessions & Compulsions:
People with scores similar to yours
often have an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
You can view symptoms and
treatment options for this disorder.
This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment.
However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you
to seek a professional diagnosis from a trained mental
health professional in your community at your earliest convenience.
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with
posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
a disorder characterized
by reliving a suffered trauma through flashbacks, nightmares or other recollections of the event.
This is a serious concern that often requires professional treatment.
If you suspect you may have PTSD as a result of a childhood trauma, you may also
want to take our PTSD for child injury quiz.
Borderline Traits:
People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with
borderline personality disorder.
You have 13 serious concerns that we've identified.
Generally such concerns should be checked out with a mental health professional
as soon as you can. You can find a mental health professional within your local
community through your insurance provider or through
an online
therapist directory.
Get help immediately if these concerns are overwhelming or you feel your health
or safety is at risk.
You have 3 milder concerns that we've identified. Such concerns may be a part of an ordinary person's usual up's and down's in life. However, if any of these issues cause you worry or concern, please consult with your physician or a mental health professional for further information.
And if you want to try it out yourself go to: http://www.sanityscore.com/
Your Sanity Score
168
(The Sanity Score is based upon a scientific algorithm with scores ranging from 0 - 288.)
Your specific subscores are below (subscales range from 0 - 100). Under the graph of subscores, you will find additional information regarding the meaning of any significant scores or areas that may be of concern.
| General Coping |
79 |
| Life Events |
25 |
| Depression |
78 |
| Anxiety |
78 |
| Phobias |
92 |
| Self-Esteem |
100 |
| Eating Disorders |
65 |
| Schizophrenia |
35 |
| Dissociation |
67 |
| Mania |
55 |
| Sexual Issues |
19 |
| Relationship Issues |
56 |
| Alcohol |
42 |
| Drugs |
8 |
| Physical Issues |
17 |
| Smoking Issues |
0 |
| Gambling Issues |
0 |
| Technology Issues |
81 |
| Obsessions/Compulsions |
75 |
| Posttraumatic Stress |
92 |
| Borderline Traits |
71
|
Your BMI: 40Your body mass index (BMI) is a measure of body fat based on height and weight that applies to both adult men and women. BMI correlates with body fat. The relation between fatness and BMI differs with age and gender. For example, women are more likely to have a higher percent of body fat than men for the same BMI. On average, older people may have more body fat than younger adults with the same BMI. |
|
General Coping:
People with similar scores as yours tend to feel overwhelmed by life or
specific things in life right now.
You appear to express a great degree of unhappiness with life right
now, which strongly suggests a change would be helpful, such
as seeking out professional help or talking to a doctor about your
concerns.
Life Events: You're experiencing events in your life that may be negatively affecting your overall mental health and your ability to cope with other things in your life. This may also affect your mood.
Depression:
People with scores similar to yours
are typically suffering from a moderate to severe depressive episode. This is also known as clinical depression or just plain depression.
People who have answered similarly to you typically qualify for
a diagnosis of major depression and have sought professional
treatment for this disorder.
You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible depressive disorder.
Take Action for Depression:
Anxiety:
People with scores similar to yours
may be suffering from moderate to high anxiety,
symptoms that might typically qualify a person for the diagnosis
of an anxiety disorder.
Sometimes people who feel such anxiety symptoms don't realize
that their body may be trying to tell them something.
Look for patterns in your behavior, such as when and what
circumstances under which you experience the symptoms
you've described. For example, if it occurs prior to public
speaking and your job requires a lot of presentations you may
want to find ways to calm yourself before speaking or let
others do some of the presentations.
You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, if would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional soon to rule out a possible anxiety disorder.
The most common anxiety disorders diagnosed are either panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder.
Take Action for Anxiety:
Phobias:
People with scores similar to yours typically are diagnosed with a simple or specific phobia,
which is an irrational fear of certain objects or situations, such as being
afraid of heights, snakes, or enclosed spaces. Generally most people with this
kind of concern simply avoid the object or situation. If it is of serious
concern, often people with similar scores will seek out professional help to
cure the person of the irrational fear. Such therapy usually only takes a dozen or
so sessions, and in some cases much less.
Self-Esteem:
People with scores similar to yours express some major concerns with their self-esteem.
Self-esteem is most often the product of our upbringing and personalities. It is
something that a self-help book or psychotherapist can help a person learn to
readily improve in even just a few sessions.
Eating Disorders:
People with scores similar to yours are often diagnosed with an eating disorder, such as
anorexia or
bulimia.
Eating disorders occur mostly in women and are due to poor self-image and self-esteem, often as a result of childhood
experiences.
You can read up on
treatment information for
anorexia or
bulimia.
This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment.
However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you
to seek additional assistance from a mental
health professional who specializes in eating disorders within your community.
Your body mass index suggests you may also be dealing with obesity as an ongoing life issue.
Take Action for an Eating Disorder:
Schizophrenia:
People with scores similar to yours sometimes exhibit a symptom or two that may be
consistent with schizophrenia, or a schizophrenia-related disorder.
This doesn't mean you have schizophrenia, as some traits and symptoms may be found
in people who do not qualify for a schizophrenia diagnosis. But it is something
to be aware, especially if you are a teenager or in early adulthood (when schizophrenia
is commonly diagnosed).
Take Action for Schizophrenia:
Dissociation:
People with scores similar to yours may have something called
dissociation or a dissociative identity disorder.
Dissociation is a mental process, which produces a lack of connection
in a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of
identity. During the period of time when a person is dissociating,
certain information is not associated with other information as it
normally would be. For example, during a traumatic experience, a person
may dissociate the memory of the place and circumstances of the trauma
from his ongoing memory, resulting in a temporary mental escape from the
fear and pain of the trauma and, in some cases, a memory gap
surrounding the experience.
You can learn more about dissociative disorders here.
People with this sort of issue often seek out professional treatment for their concern from a therapist with experience in treating dissociation.
Mania & Bipolar Disorder:
People with scores similar to yours often complain of symptoms commonly associated with bipolar
disorder (also known as manic-depression).
Bipolar disorder is characterized by a swing in moods from depression to mania (having racing thoughts,
an excess of energy, inability to maintain attention, etc.). Bipolar disorder at this level can
seriously interfere with a person's normal, everyday life and impair functioning in social
relationships, work, school, and other areas of one's life.
You can learn more about the symptoms and
types of bipolar disorder here.
People who report similar levels of bipolar symptoms often benefit from professional treatment for their concern through a combination of psychotherapy and medication.
Relationship Issues:
People with scores similar to yours often complain about one or more serious relationship issues.
Relationship issues at this level are often serious and can result in a relationship failing
if they are not addressed by both parties (through some type of intervention, whether it
be a self-help book or couple's counseling or such).
Alcohol/Drug Issues: People with scores similar to yours often have an ongoing but moderate problem with either alcohol or drugs. People often believe the problem is "under control," but whether it actually is or not really depends on specific factors in your life. If others in your life have talked to you about your alcohol or drug use, and you still have not reduced it, that may be an indication of a more serious issue that you should seek help for.
Technology Issues:
People with scores similar to yours often complain about having difficulty controlling
their time or use of the Internet and other technologies.
People with this sort of problem often identify it as being "addicted to the Internet."
Some therapists
may be able to help you with this issue and reduce your Internet use or use of other technologies so
that it interferes less with important relationships in your life, such as those with your
friends, family, or significant other.
Obsessions & Compulsions:
People with scores similar to yours
often have an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
You can view symptoms and
treatment options for this disorder.
This is not a diagnosis, or a recommendation for treatment.
However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you
to seek a professional diagnosis from a trained mental
health professional in your community at your earliest convenience.
Take Action for Obsessions/Compulsions:
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with
posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD),
a disorder characterized
by reliving a suffered trauma through flashbacks, nightmares or other recollections of the event.
This is a serious concern that often requires professional treatment.
If you suspect you may have PTSD as a result of a childhood trauma, you may also
want to take our PTSD for child injury quiz.
Borderline Traits:
People with scores similar to yours often have traits associated with
borderline personality disorder.
Recommendations
You have 13 serious concerns that we've identified.
Generally such concerns should be checked out with a mental health professional
as soon as you can. You can find a mental health professional within your local
community through your insurance provider or through
an online
therapist directory.
Get help immediately if these concerns are overwhelming or you feel your health
or safety is at risk.
You have 3 milder concerns that we've identified. Such concerns may be a part of an ordinary person's usual up's and down's in life. However, if any of these issues cause you worry or concern, please consult with your physician or a mental health professional for further information.
Please remember, this is not a diagnosis or diagnostic test.
It is only a general screening to give you a broad understanding of the
mental health concerns you may be facing right now in your life.
Share Your
Results with Others & Offer Feedback @ Psych Central
(Your Sanity Score login works on the Forums at Psych Central -- no need to register again!)
(Your Sanity Score login works on the Forums at Psych Central -- no need to register again!)
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